decreasing thoughts
When we choose a word for the year, we have no way of knowing how God is going to go about teaching us the lessons we need to learn. The mystery of God’s providence is just that - a mystery. When I chose “Decrease” as my word for the 2023 year, I did not expect the ways in which God would school me in decreasing, nor did I expect that by March, I would be praying, “Okay Lord… I see that you’re bringing me low.”
I prayed to decrease, but as is often the case, I haven’t really enjoyed the circumstances God has been using to answer that prayer.
I don’t decrease very well. None of us do, I suppose. Among the many disciplines that I have asked the Lord to help me cultivate this year, humility has been at the top of my list. And over the weekend, God used a wreck to work humility in me. Today, I am sporting an attractive brace on my right leg and a smaller one on left wrist where a nasty bruise is coloring my arm. My pride, however, was bruised a lot more than my wrist. And, though I may hate the feeling of a bruised ego, it is a good thing and I am thankful.
Two days before the wreck, I had finished Unmet Expectations, an amazing book by Lisa Hughes. Packed into its 288 pages were so many reminders of our propensity to be discontent and angry when we are faced with circumstances that we do not want. Having expectations is not necessarily the problem. The problem is when our responses to "thwarted plans, dismantled hopes, and unanswered prayers" are sinful, spewing viciously from our heart like a fireman’s hose. Our responses to things we do not want - especially things that require submission - reveal what we think and believe about God, and about ourselves.
Sheer seconds after the accident, I was thinking, “God, why did you allow this?! This was not supposed to be the plan!” Of course, my thoughts exposed my heart: I believed my plan of getting home without incident or mishap was a better plan than the one God had for the day.
There is no way of knowing all the reasons for our thwarted plans, but I do believe that the wreck this past weekend was an opportunity for me to respond with trust.
Okay… God, I did not want this. You know that. Now I’m injured and I can’t do what I want, or go wherever I want when I want. Now I’m having to rely on my husband and my children more, and ask for help when I would rather be self-reliant and self-sufficient. But Lord, I know you are at work, using this to humble me and teach me something (or somethings) that I probably could not learn apart from this situation. Help me to submit and be joyful even though my flesh fights to resist your work.
Every day, our prayer ought to be “I must decrease, Christ must increase,” but some days - some seasons - we are given the opportunity to pray that prayer with more humility and submission than ever. Our perspective needs to change, and our prayers need to change from “God, how could you?!” to “God, I am going to trust you.”
May we all be faithful to decrease more and more, so that Christ can be exalted in our lives.
Pride is a thing which should be unnatural to us, for we have nothing to be proud of. What is there in man of which he should glory? Our very creation is enough to humble us; what are we but creatures of today? Our frailty should be sufficient to lay us low, for we shall be gone tomorrow. - Charles Spurgeon (Pride and Humility, August 17, 1856)
Recs and Things
From the Archives:
I'm a Mess Too. But God... on The Better Mom
Songs you should listen to:
My Singing Through Suffering playlist
Scripture to meditate on:
Psalm 135:5-6: For I know that the Lord is great and that our Lord is above all gods.
Whatever the Lord pleases, He does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and in all the ocean depths.
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